Hell, all Social Media sites are malignant cancers that metastasize through your blood stream, collective conscious and ultimately your organs, causing what can only be described as something equally horrific as the waking nightmares that are Ebola or Marburg. Liquefying your internal organs causing intense hemorrhaging from every orifice as the grips of their fevers slowly cook your brain like a skewered pig in a luau pit in summer on Oahu.
Now, I don’t know Toby Morton personally, nor does he know me but I enjoy his work, his writing, his comedic DNA and when he recently began designing and publishing parody websites about some of the most vile, nauseating and excrement-spewing members of Congress, I was elated. These sites were tongue-in-cheek, clear parody but there was one thing that stood out and was far more visible than any mountain ridge and that was the honest truth about these subhuman wastes of space.
For example; these are just a few of the websites that Toby has published, calling attention to the felonious, stupid and hateful words and actions of just a few of the Republican Terrorist Army’s worst.
Subliterate reptiles like Lauren Boebert, psychopaths like Marjorie Taylor Greene, absolute fucking morons like Devin Nunes, pedophiles like Matt Gaetz, rape sympathizers like Jim Jordan and walking, talking skunk anus Ted Cruz are literal shit stains on the American flag. It’s not that they’re as useless as a vibrator without batteries or that they’re liars, adulterers, pedophiles, racists, gun-humping wads of shit floating on the surface of a clogged sewer drain. It’s not that they’re so stupid that I seriously believe that inbreeding is the main cause of their severe brain damage or that drugs and alcohol and animal sacrifices and eating fetuses is the problem.
The problem is bigger than their myopic and pants-shitting strained thoughts, micro-penises and their back-ass-wards pride over launching baby primate after baby primate onto their trailer’s dirt floor, as if almost every other fucking animal isn’t capable of that. No, the human populous, society if you can even call it that with a straight face anymore is largely to blame and yes, I’m painfully aware that generations of hateful, cousin-fucking legislators paved the pathway to the destruction of our educational system decades ago but in the medieval days, hell, right up until the 1960’s, people who were too developmentally disfigured or just too stupid to pick up a book were housed in institutions, not allowed to carry guns, drive vehicles or vote and nor should the same anchors of humankind be allowed to legislate either, as if what they do even comes close to that!
Every immigrant that longs, craves, yearns and dreams of becoming a U.S. citizen has to take a test that they must pass. You want to fly a plane? You pass a test. You want to drive a car? You pass a test. You want to be a Doctor? You pass a test. You want to own a gun or be a member of Congress? Meh. Close enough…
Social media share the absolute biggest piece of this dumb-fuck pie. What once was a way to reconnect with old classmates, relatives and friends and to connect with new friends has become nothing but the Jerry Springer and Maury Povich show in text form, with memes.
I’m not even going to harp about Political Correctness, Wokeness or Cancel Culture because all of those things, one way or the other, whether conjured up by Democrats or pulled out of their crusty, old assholes by Republicans are just like bringing piss to a shit fight. There’s nothing wrong with any of them at their core but they’ve been warped into carboard shields for people to hide behind, to use as a delusional force field for their racist rhetoric or their phobic nature and if that’s who you are, a racist, homophobic, xenophobic, Dung Beetle, then you do you but I, just as anyone else has the right to return your vile rhetoric by calling you a piece of shit.
But, social media is, to a degree, a force field. Donald Trump didn’t wobble along and just open the floodgates for people to be trash. Being able to post intimate nude photos for revenge, like what happened to Katie Hill, calling some kid the “N Word” through a headset because you’re virtually invisible, sexually harassing women with pictures of your wart-covered dick…all of it has been enabled by the assumed anonymity of the internet and platforms that started with ICQ, AIM, and then mutated into MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and on and on ad nauseum.
There are worse offenders than Twitter, Facebook, Parler, etc. but Twitter has to be the cherry on top of the pond scum cupcake. They’re just plain elitist. As if their algorithms have mastered the filtration of all the piss, feces, hate speech and other pollutants from their site. Well, you haven’t Twitter. You haven’t mastered anything. You have, however, managed to paint yourselves into a dark, dank corner where a simple click of the “Report” button, with no evaluation, context or additional information gets reviewed before that tweet or that account is just obliterated and your system is broken and it’s fucking stupid.
When you allow people like Donald Trump to even get a football field away from the insurrection and murder he caused, and, only as that happens you suspend his account…you’re the fucking problem. You still have people spouting Proud Boy, Boogaloo Boi, QAnon hate speech, RIGHT NOW, on your platform. You still have people blatantly spreading mis/disinformation about COVID-19 that are getting people killed and you do nothing. Nothing!
But God forbid a comedy writer, who believes in truth, integrity and patriotism creates websites with truthful and factual information about a congressperson’s crimes, like Sedition, Treason, Tax Evasion, Stalking, Harassment, Child Sex Trafficking, Pedophilia, Murder…do you want me to go on Jack, because I can?? They get deleted?! I know which side you’re on now Twitter and it’s not the side of fairness or truth.
But you allow this. A private company, who sets their own rules, regulations, standards and policies chooses to randomly enforce them, if they do at all and your disregard for accountability and consistency sickens me.
Twitter, again, is not the worst. Parler and Facebook and 4Chan…they’re at the top but Twitter? You have become that public swimming pool that gives everyone Pink Eye and E.coli and apparently, you only have a red Solo cup of chlorine at your disposal or…
You just don’t give a shit. And, as I write this your last three months on the market look like this:
So, obviously, I’m not the only one that thinks this. I’ll be honest with you Jack. I owned 50 shares in September of 2020. How you handled the Insurrection and how you treat non-blue checks made me sell every single share and yeah Jack…I lost money on that investment but you don’t owe me anything.
Because you’re too self-absorbed and obsessed with being some eclectic Johnny Depp/Elon Musk/James Dean like Frankenstein.
Have fun with the supersonic hate jet you’re nose-diving into terra firma with your egomania, as you stare at yourself in the sun visor’s mirror.
Ask Tom over at MySpace how things are going these days…