Solipsism…

Written: 10.25.2019

Don’t tell me how to feel.
Like I don’t know how to grieve.
I’ll tell you when I’m over it.
The nausea’ll pass over.

But I need you, to need me too!
I need this to bleed!
I need you to breathe, for me!
And I am.
And you are.
A false impression, dragging me down!

I think I might have blurred my trends again.
I think I’m being, just a little petulant.
Just need to embrace my sins.
And let it all begin again.

Cross the river.
Rebuild the bridge.
Drop to my bloody knees.
Beg for my redemption.
Or die singing in perfect pitch.

Of an empty vessel?
A paranoid delusional shell?
Phobic and fucking unloved?

Why do I hate me?!
And I refuse your love?
Have I confused my inner twin?
Is it only Ego and Id?

Am I cursed?
Am I blessed?
You’re not impressed.
You know I can fucking tell!

I’ve disappointed again.
And I am sorry.
Please forgive me!
Mourning Glory.

Get out of my way!
I need air to breathe!!
Vermicide’s release!

I’m out of my head.
Better off dead.

I need a minute…
Just one minute…

Now, now I’m ready.

Had a muscle flinch, pulled the knife out,
then I slit my wrist, watched it pour out,
on the bathroom mat, not like you’ll notice,
I’m just a gutter rat!

Roll over watch the light fade!
I remember every fucking word you said to me!
All the abuse, from the fist to my face!
That’s why I’m lying here, with a razor in the fucking
sink!

Clean up my fucking mess this time!
All the clots, from the main line!
I’m not giving in!
I’ll tear the sutures out, inch by fucking inch!

I’ve taken your shit for too long.
Self-destruction, there ain’t nothing wrong!
I won’t be your sheep!
Wait until you sleep!
Head high, wrist clinched, and I’m in too deep!!

Take a crimson digit, scrawl it on the wall.
It was written in your name after all!
In a coffin or in a ditch, this mistake,
this life, I’ll bleed ’til the last twitch!

On my own terms, ask the rope burns!
They’re the third degree!
There’s only one way out, you’re not murdering me!
You sloven fat pig, what was wrong with me?!
Fucking you was bestiality!

I need a minute!
I need the fucking sleep!
Okay, I’m steady!
Get the guest room ready!
I’m finally ready!

Cross the river.
Rebuild the bridge.
Drop to my bloody knees.
Beg for my redemption.
Or die singing in perfect pitch!

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