When I was younger, oh, say 12-15, I didn’t have interests in the same things that
other kids my age had. Comic books, video games, riding bikes and what-have-you. I
was an oddball, an introvert and a thinker that chose to spend my time analyzing my
existence over reading Marcus Aurelius, Plato and Dante. That’s not to say I didn’t try to fit
in but normally I would wind up watching my friends fight over video games instead of
being in the middle of it.
I began reading a lot after my Grandmother died. I guess I needed the immersion into distraction to shift my focus. Carl Jung became my compass of sorts in my teen years and it was out of boredom one day that I picked up a book of his at my Aunt’s place. I was stirred by his words. “I cannot love anyone if I hate myself. That is the reason why we feel so extremely uncomfortable in the presence of people who are noted for their special virtuousness, for they radiate an atmosphere of the torture they inflict on themselves. That is not a virtue but a vice.”. And so the seeds of introspective digging were planted.
I needed to find balance and my center from an early age and that has greatly affected me in my late twenties. His words became clearer and more meaningful as time drove on. “There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion.”. “It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how they are themselves.”.
Meaning, it is all about perception. How we see things and that stuck with me for years and helped me accept my difference from the masses. It helped me to feel comfortable within my own skin and to be true to who I really am, no matter what other people thought of me and to this day, I still reflect upon myself with that knowledge in the forefront of my mind.
“If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool.”
It’s all about arming ourselves with ammunition to fight the pressures of everyday life. Intelligence, knowledge and self-reliance. I guess those theories of mine have somehow given me the ability to exist with or without someone just fine. I don’t need to gush over someone or dote over them to feel balanced and the truth is, I still have yet to attain balance and from what I have learned, it doesn’t truly come from another.
I say what I mean and I expect people to at the very least, take it for fact and not need me to repeat myself a thousand times just to feel secure.
Sure, I have been burned a few times and yes, it has scarred me but just as Jung stated, we can learn about ourselves from what we do not like about others. This is true. It helps us to grow internally and with each experience in my life, whether good or bad, I grow and I learn about me.
I reflect upon my past encounters with people quite often and some I regret and some have hurt me and some I deeply miss but one thing remains the same…..they happened and it is also true that if we as conscious, feeling beings do not learn from the past, from our mistakes then we are indeed doomed to repeat them and sometimes in all new ways as well.
When we cling to the past and refuse to let go and let gravity take the lead, we prevent, inhibit and deny growth and progression. We as a thinking creature have a fear of the unknown and a fear of falling and from the ground can stir the echoes and the noise from the crash can often times frighten away the phantoms and clear the bats from the belfry.
It’s making the choice to make ourselves vulnerable to this pain and the potential for failure that makes us complete beings.
The moral of this post is to use your minds, release your inhibitions and open your third eye. Don’t be afraid of failure…even if you are prone to it. When you fail to react, you fail to act in the first place…